Bye Bye Teenager

Well, after a long, hard weekend, the teenager is gone.  I couldn't have him here anymore, because he was becoming a threat to my family.  He was making ridiculous accusations about our family, and he was becoming very defiant.  We had to call the law Sunday night, and shortly after that, I packed him up and took him to his step-father.  I do not feel like a failure, because I did everything in my power to help that boy succeed in all areas of his life.  He chose to walk a different path.  You can't help someone that doesn't want to help themselves.  There was nothing more that could be done here.  My children were afraid to go to sleep at night, and I am not going to allow my children to live in fear.  Heck, even I was afraid to go to sleep at night.  He is a very vindictive person who will ruin you for no reason other than his anger.  The treatment center he was attending was not helping.  I don't know what else we could have done except waited until he hurt someone to send him to a youth detention center.  I think that would be a good place for him, but I was not waiting until someone got hurt.  He just needed to go.  Now my other children are having their meltdowns, because they hate change.  Everything will hopefully cool down over the next few days.  With him out of the house, the kids are not being tormented and called  names.  They did say they were glad he was gone, but any kind of change puts a strain on the family until the kids adjust.  This was a big loss for two of my children, because this was their biological brother.  Sadly, those were the two that he tormented the most.  Alexia took the brunt of his meanness and bullying.  I am glad to know that I can sleep without worrying about my kids now.  I wish him the best of luck where he is, but I do not expect him to grow in a positive way there.  I know he will turn back to the drugs, but that is out of my control now.  From this moment on, my focus will rest on the children that do belong to me. 

Will We Survive This?

Tuesday, in the middle of teaching math, I get a phone call from my son's principal.  A week ago, Brandon came home with an Iphone 3.  He said that a boy at school gave it to him.  Apparently, that phone (which I warned him about taking) was stolen.  Brandon was called to the principal's office, and he refused to tell the principal who gave him the phone.  Then, he was asked to give them my name and phone number.  My teenager proceeded to tell the principal that was his job, and to figure it out for himself.  Well, needless to say, Brandon ended up suspended from school for three days.  On the way home, I was talking to Brandon, and apparently hit a nerve when I told him we were not going to tell his PaPa (who just had open heart surgery) about this event.  Brandon got out of the car and took off in the woods screaming "Fuck you" and "Damn you" at the top of his lungs.  Then, he would not answer anyone when we called out for him.  I was freaking out just a little, and ready to call the law (since he has two previous experiences running way).  Finally, he came around the corner, and things went down here from there.  He screamed, hollered, stormed, and informed me that he didn't give a "shit" about what I had to say.  Heartbroken is all I can tell you about what I felt.  He screamed, "I want my daddy!  Tell my daddy to come home!  I can talk to him!  I don't want to talk to you!"  What the hell did I do????  I am usually the one sticking up for him and giving him the benefit of the doubt.  That sure bit me in the butt!  Anyway, the next four hours was spent trying to talk to him.  We got his therapist on the phone, and she and I talked for half and hour or so.  Yesterday, he had to go to work with my husband since he is out of school.  We decided he was not going to sit at home and have a nice little vacation.  Instead, my husband decided that he could go to work with him and clean up the business.  Brandon refused to do anything at work, except complain of course.  So, he went to therapy until 7, and he spent the rest of the night in the bed.  He didn't even so much as tell me hello, kiss his butt, or nothing.  Today, Sean told him just to sit down and not move until working hours were over.  He of course showed his butt, refused to do as he was told, made a bunch of comments about how he didn't want to sit down, and this was stupid.  So, my husband had to use an hour to talk some sense into him and try to get him to understand what a consequence is.  Brandon came home and still did not speak to me.  I am still not understanding what I did to deserve the silent treatment.  I hope he remembers how he has been treating me when he needs something.  I am not sure that I will be speaking that day.

Meantime, the day Brandon got suspended, Alexia decided to melt down at the same time.  I call it the "domino effect."  When one goes, more will follow.  Anyway, my kids started these little clubs, which I knew the moment I heard about it, that it was a bad idea.  I should have stopped it right then, but I didn't.  Alexia made a club and let everyone in but her sister Cassadie.  Alexia and Cassadie have major sibling rivalry issues.  Cassadie was upset, and the boys took pity on her.  They told Alexia that they were going to leave her club and make their own if she wouldn't let Cassadie in.  She refused, so they did as they had warned.  Alexia got mad at Cassadie, grabbed her, threw her on the ground, and rubbed her face all in the dirt.  Then, she proceeded to beat the crap out of her.  I also discussed this with Brandon's therapist when she called.  I am so worried that Alexia is going to turn out to be like Brandon.  Their personalities are so similar, and she is like a snake in the grass.  She will strike when you least expect it. 

My stress levels are so high.  I am frustrated, tired, cranky, and heartbroken.  I am trying to hold up for the other kids and my husband.  I don't know how much longer I can last.  Thank God tomorrow is Friday!  I am ready for the weekend.  Big things are coming this weekend.  Will tell about that in the next post.  Right now I am off to watch Lizard Lick!  Yes, I know it is fake!  My life is so boring, I have to add a little more drama!  HaHaHa!

Getting to Know You Better

Every morning, my day starts at 6:00.  Get up, get dressed for work, gather up the kids, dish out meds, make sure everyone has what they need, head out the door, get into the car, drive to the high school, drop off the teenager, and head to the elementary school where we all unload for the day.  Six out of seven children attend the elementary school that I attend.  I teach first grade, my youngest daughter is in first, Mikey is in second, Cassadie is in third, Hunter is in fourth, Jacob and Alexia both are in fifth.  They are only a month apart in age.  Then, I teach all day, load everyone up at 3:30 and come home.  That's when all the fun begins!  Chores, animals, and sibling rivalry!  Homework time, bath time, and dinner time! 

Has anyone ever noticed how children argue over some of the most ridiculous things?  Today, my two youngest boys had their panties in a wad over a book bag.  Hunter is going to stay with a friend of mine Thursday, and he needed a bag to put his clothes in.  Mikey (owner of the book bag) freaks out because Hunter took it and said it was mine.  I mean, the kid is in absolute shut down mode, tears and the whole nine yards, over a book bag that he NEVER uses anyway.  The thing was shoved into the back of the closet, which is why Hunter decided to use it. 

I want to introduce you to my kids, and give you a little more knowledge about each one.

First, we will start with the baby, Skylar!  She hates her name, and wishes for us to all call her Anna (and we do).  She was two years old when she arrived in our home.  Oh how I fell in love with her!  Mommy's little peanut!  She was sweet, but demanding of the other kids.  She pretty much ran the show.  Now that she is 7, she has decided that she will start showing her tail a little!  On a good note, she has straight A's in school, and she has an amazing teacher.  She loves to learn and read!  She is super smart, and wants to be a teacher when she goes up.  At least, that is her current plan.  Their minds all change so quickly.

Next, there is Michael (Mikey)!  Mikey is on of my biggest challenges.  He cries about everything, and he suffers from PTSD, ADHD, and slight OCD!  He had a rough ride at a very young age.  We got him when he was three, and he came here because he was being kicked out of his previous foster home.  They said if someone didn't come get him, they were going to throw him in the street.  You see, he melted down when they wouldn't let him wash his hands after using the bathroom.  There was NO SOAP!  He needed to wash his hands, but could not comprehend that water was the only thing available.  The foster home he was in before that was the doozy!  They held his head under water as a punishment.  When he first came to me, it took a week and three people to get him in the tub.  You can only give someone a sponge bath for so long.  The boy was stinking up the whole house.  If you have ever seen the Flintstone movie, then you will remember when BamBam got his first bath.  Yes, Mikey was our BamBam!  He can not function at home or school without his meds.  He, also, is a very smart boy who makes straight A's.  He spends hours on his homework, because it has to be done to perfection (and his teacher gives a lot of homework)!

Cassadie is next!  She is a beautiful child with a beautiful smile.  We have power struggles, because she would be happy to take my place.  She would love nothing more than to be the momma!  Some days I seriously consider letting her have it!  LOL  She has poor boundaries with males, and struggles to understand that she is only nine years old.  She came to us when she was four.  God bless her, she had a broken leg, because her foster mom stepped on her as she was turning around.  We called her Hop-a-long Cassadie!  It sure didn't slow her down from telling everyone what to do and how to do it.  She struggles in school, and I often wonder is she isn't dyslexic.  The closest testing place is two hours away, so we are going to make an appointment this summer to have it checked out.  A lot of her problem is lack of effort.  If she would put as much effort into her school work as she did into over throwing me, she would have straight A's.  Overall, she is one of the best behaved children. 

Hunter, Oh Hunter!  Where do I even begin with Hunter.  He came to us when he was four.  When the boy first came to visit, we quickly discovered what we had to look forward to.  As soon as the caseworker got out of the car, he locked all of the doors.  He would not let her in the car, and he pushed every button he could find.  Then, he became as wild as a tornado when he entered my home.  He ran over the furniture, up and down hallways, and around and around the kitchen island bar.  We struggled, and still do to an extent, with hygiene habits.  Sadly, he also likes to steal and hoard things that aren't his.  When in trouble, he drools like there is a busted pipe in his mouth.  He has been dx with ADHD, Bi-Polar NOS, ODD, and Adjustment Disorder. He is very smart, loves to read, has the cutest laugh in the world, and can snuggle with the best of them. 

Alexia is by far my biggest challenge.  Such an angry little girl, and always looks like there is no hope for tomorrow.  She sometimes loves you, and sometimes hates you.  She has let me know what a horrible mother she thinks I am on several occasions, and has even told me she wished I was dead.  Her tantrums were so bad when she first came that I recorded them for fear that DFCS would think I was beating her.  She was beating herself, and she left marks on her head and arms regularly.  She would scream, cry, hit, cuss, run, smash, throw, and much more.  Her meds help a lot, but they do little with her actual mood.  She always looks so lack of emotion.  Don't get me wrong.  She has moments where she is so happy that she is uncontainable.  But then....like a light switch...it turns off.  Her happy moods last no where near as long as her angry/sad moods.  She is also dx ADHD, ODD, Adjustment Disorder and Bi-Polar.  She and Hunter are birth siblings.  Can't you tell????

Jacob!  So smart and so witty!  Funny and loveable!  Nothing like he was when he first came.  In all of our early pictures, he was frowning and pissed off.  He wouldn't budge and refused to even fake a smile.  He told me he hated me and tried to run away many times.  I just told him I was going with him, and we would head down the road.  Hey, if you get to run away, so do I! He blamed me for taking him away from his foster mother (he had been there for four years).  In reality, she didn't want to adopt him, because he was white.  She said he didn't fit into her family or neighborhood.  I finally leveled with him and he sobbed in my lap for hours.  Now, he is a momma's boy!  He opens my car door every where I we go.  If I open my own door, he gets angry!  He is super smart, but sometimes his comedian efforts get him in trouble.  He has a potty mouth on him, and says some of the most inappropriate things at times.  But hey, at least this one loves me!

Finally, there is Brandon!  Poor guy is such a troubled soul.  He has bounced all over the place.  Raised mostly by his grandfather, passed on to his mom, then to his dad, then to us!  Rinse, Repeat!  Over and over this boy has moved from one place to another.  No stability, so security.  I hurt for him!  I connect with him, but I don't know how much he accepts.  When faced with trouble he runs away from it.  Literally!  We have to call the cops to chase him down.  You know where he runs to?  Straight back into the hands that hurt him most.  They are his mother and father, and I guess he will always be loyal to them.  I understand his feelings, but it hurts  me to watch.  I know what is going to happen.  This boy has done some pretty crazy things!  He thought eating mosquito poison would solve all of his problems, but that only led to a horrible migraine! Super smart!  Exceeded everything on state testing last year!  Made it to high school, and is all A and B!  Just so angry and depressed!  He can't focus on things, and he can't communicate with people.  He doesn't trust anyone, and he will tell you this straight faced.  He is currently attending an outpatient program three days a week for his emotional and behavior difficulties.  Let's hope it helps!  He has so much potential!

Well, there you have it!  All seven of my wild and crazy bunch!  The Baxter Bunch is what we call it!  Welcome to the family.

Why Lie?

Why do children feel the need to lie about things?  Big things, little things, important things, superficial things?  Did you brush your teeth? "Yes!" What that really means is "NO!"  We have made so many promises that our children would go unpunished if they would just tell us the truth.  I have even offered rewards for telling the truth.  They are getting a two for one deal there.  They will not be punished, and they will get a treat instead!  Sounds good to me, but apparently I do not think like they do.  I am pretty sure it is still a trust issue.  They have been a part of our lives for many years now, but they will tell you in a second that they do not trust us or anyone else for that matter.  My youngest has also been the least affected, because she had a relatively stable foster experience and was very young when we adopted her.  That being said, she is now "copying" behaviors that the older children are exposing her to.  How do you get them to trust you enough to tell the truth?  I would like our conversations to go something like this:

Me: Did you do your homework?
Child: No Ma'am.
Me: Can you do that for me now please?
Child: Do I have too? (no perfection expected, some whining ok)
Me: Yes, you do!
Child: Ok! (child does homework)

This is not my reality!  My reality is this:

Me: Did you do your homework?
Child: Yes!
Me: Are you sure?
Child: Yes!
Me: Where is it?
Child: In my bookbag.
Me: Go get it so I can look over it.
Child: *Goes to "find" it.
Me: I am still waiting! *ten minutes pass*
Child: I can't find it!
Me: Your bookbag isn't that big.
Child: I left it at school.
Me: I thought you said you did your homework.
Child: I did.
Me: When?
Child: At school.
Teacher the next day: Your child did not turn in their homework!
Me: Why did you lie to me about your homework being done?
Child: I dunno!

The first scenario is so much more simple and blissful.  The second results in consequences and a break down in trust.  I wish I could make them understand this, but I have failed with every attempt.  Homework, chores, sibling disagreements, missing items, messes made, bath time, and grades are all areas where my children feel they need to lie.  This drives me crazy!  I love my children, but I do not love being lied to! 

Back to the Beginning!

Let me start at our beginning.  I met my husband on the internet on November 3, 2003.  I wasn't looking for a serious relationship, because I was just coming out of an abusive one.  My fooling around on the internet was just a way to pass the time.  Then, I met my wonderful husband.  I was leaving a horrible chat room, and he was coming into it.  As I was about to close out of that room, he typed, "What's going on in here?"  I was compelled to answer him, a complete stranger.  I look back now and realize that I could have missed him if one more second, even a tenth of a second had passed.  Anyway, back to the story.  I told him to save himself and get out while he could.  LOL.  We started to send private messages back and forth, and this led to a 15 hour conversation.  We only stopped long enough to grab something to eat (we talked while we ate) and to go to the bathroom (I wasn't taking him there with me just yet!).  At the end of our first conversation, we both already knew that this was something that was meant to be.  There was no denying the unbearable need to be together.  He told me he loved me that night, and I replied with the same answer.  We just knew!  The problem was a rather large one however.  He lived in British Columbia, Canada and I lived in Georgia.  We were 3500 miles away from each other, and both of us knew that had to change.  I went to visit him that Christmas, and he introduced me to his family.  My family was a nervous wreck, they thought he may be some kind of axe murderer.  I was more comfortable, because I had talked with him via webcam many times, and I had also spoken with his family members.  I wasn't really worried, until I got on the plane.  While on the plane, I started to freak out a little...ok, a LOT!  I almost changed my mind.  I was not really scared that he would hurt me, I kind of knew better in my own mind.  I was scared that he would reject me, and I was scared that we would not work out in a face to face relationship.  I met a sweet lady on the plane who was traveling with her little girl.  As we talked, I told her my story.  She calmed me, and she promised to stay with me as long as it took to feel comfortable and safe. I was such a nervous wreck as I stepped off of that plane.  I looked and looked for him, but just knew that he wouldn't show.  At least it was his money that paid for the ticket!  As I was loading my luggage onto a cart, I felt someone cover my eyes.  At first, I was alarmed, but then he spoke.  I melted right into his warm, protective embrace.  I turned, and at that moment, right in the middle of that airport, we shared our first of millions of kisses.  I knew that there was no danger, I knew that my feelings were only growing stronger, I knew that I could release my "body guard" to carry on with her own daughter and vacation.  I tried to track that woman down to invite her to my wedding many years later, but apparently it is IMPOSSIBLE to get the name of someone on your plane regardless of the reason. I even begged them to contact her and give her my information.  NO CAN DO!  I have wanted so much to thank her, because without her, I may have chickened out. We left the airport that night and spent an amazing week hanging out together.  This was the first time in my life that I had really and truly experienced snow.  It was beautiful and amazing.  Leaving after that first week was difficult, well more than difficult.  We both cried and held on as long as we could before I had to board my plane.  I wanted to move their, I wanted him to come home with me, I wanted to never leave his side.  We spent the next several months of our relationship talking on the phone and internet.  Then, he flew me up again in March.  He took me to the beach, proposed to me, and of course I said YES! I know, I know...we were moving very fast.  His sister threw us an a small engagement party with the yummiest chocolate and strawberry cake.  Then, I left again.  It was harder this time.  I had to go home, because I was in college.  Missing too many days would have gotten my classes dropped for sure.  I knew that I could never become a teacher without my education...so nothing I could do except leave.  After the semester was over, I flew up again to spend the summer with my wonderful fiancé.  It was nice to know that for the next three months, we wouldn't be paying $1,000+ on phone bills.  We lived in an apartment that looked like it belonged in the 70's, and we barely had any furniture.  In my mind, however, it was the most wonderful place on the planet.  I will talk about my experiences there another day.  At the end of the summer, I had to go back home to continue my schooling.  By this time, we had grown a much deeper attachment, and our need to be together was strong....I don't know what other words I can use to make you understand just how deep and strongly we felt for each other.  We had originally planned to continue this pattern for two more years until I finished my schooling.  Then, I was going to move there.  Not happening!  We could not separate at the end of the summer.  He declared he was coming home with me if I would not stay with him.  I threw my plane ticket in the garbage, we rented a car, I threw my cat (who I brought with me, because I never leave her behind) and our dog (who Sean's dad bought for us to keep me company while he worked) in the back of a rented Grand Prix.  We traveled diagonally across the U.S. stopping at many amazing places.  During that trip we laughed, we smiled, and we cried.  We were gaining so much, but he was losing a lot too.  That trip home was filling with memories that will last forever.  When we got home, we stayed with my dad for a few weeks, we moved in with my uncle Billy (who was recovering from a stroke), and then we got married on August 12, 2004.  We will be celebrating our 9th anniversary this year.  I still love him just as much now as I did then, if not a little more.  We are not perfect, but we are strong.  We have disagreements, but we work through them.  We have both had difficult pasts, and we cope together.  I love him and he loves me.  After we got married, we were only missing one thing.  CHILDREN!  That is when things got challenging and difficult.  Stay tuned for the next update!

 

Half a Dozen Plus 1

Well, I haven't written on here in a really long time, but since then we have had a lot of changes.

 My family grew from four to nine.  We have adopted 6 children and we have custody of another child.

 In this picture, you see Alexia and Jacob.  They are my two oldest children.  Both of them love to be in charge.  Jacob is my comedian (everything is always funny)!   Alexia, well, she is still the same Alexia as she was when I started this post, without the major meltdowns.  She still struggles with anger and expressing her feelings, but she doesn't scream at me like she used to.

This is Hunter and Cassadie.  Hunter sure has grown like crazy over the last few years.  He is super smart, but has "lazy kid syndrome" with his schoolwork.  Cassadie is quite bossy, and will make a great mother or teacher someday.  She loves to tell me how to do my job!

This is Skylar and Michael.  Skylar thinks her name is ugly, and prefers to be called Anna.  She is tiny and chunky.  She is a super smart, straight A kid.  She is a perfectionist with all of her school work, and she gets mad if she doesn't make an A.  Michael is also very smart, but struggles with PTSD.  He went through some traumatic things in foster care, and he is still (after 4 years) trying to overcome all of those feelings and fears.

One thing that I can say for sure is that I have 6 beautiful children!  I was blessed more than words can ever say.  Sometimes things get tough at our house (a lot of drama), but at the end of the day, I would do it all over again.  Actually, I plan to do this again someday.  I would love to have a really big family, but I can only handle half a dozen at a time.

Look at my handsome boys.  They all have such bright smiles and sparkling eyes.

My girls are such beautiful treasures.  I just wish they always got along as well as they did in this picture.

Jacob...Jacob...Jacob!  I love this boy.  He opens my car door for me EVERYWHERE we go!  My husband isn't even that good!  LOL!  He will make a great husband and father some day.  He is super smart, and was a straight A kid until he recently got an 89 on his last report card.  He was pretty unhappy about that, but hey...at least it was close to an A.

Such a prissy little girl.  You can look at her pose and see how much attitude she has.

Momma's little peanut!  He plump little cheeks remind me of peanuts.  She is such a shy little girl when she first meets new people, but she quickly warms up to anyone who is nice enough to give her what she wants! HA!

Another picture of my little peanut!  Such a beautiful smile.  Enough to light up the world on the darkest days.

Might I add that she has daddy wrapped around her finger.

Well, I have many more pictures, and I have a lot of catching up to do.  But for now, I am out of time.  I have lost touch with almost everyone I followed, and I forgot all about this blog until about an hour ago.  I am so excited to check in on some of the blogs that I used to follow years ago.  I am going to try my best to be a better blogger mom!