Well, I went to Jacksonville today for more blood work to make sure the pregnancy is viable. My numbers all looked wonderful. I go back June 3rd for my first ultrasound. I am nervous, excited, scared, and amazed all at the same time. So many emotions and feelings are rushing through me. I spent the day waiting for results, so I passed the time shopping with my sister. We went to Babies R Us and Buy Buy Baby! I could spend days and days in there looking at all of the gidgets and gadgets.
The kids are all doing pretty well. They are all much better since Brandon left. We are still having trouble with arguing, snatching, pushing, and just being mean to each other in general. Can't live in a perfect world I guess!
Jacob isn't very happy about the baby right now. He is scared that he will not get a much attention, and that the baby will get more attention than him (his words). I understand these emotions, and we are going to do everything we can to make sure they all feel included before and after the baby comes.
Alexia asked if I was going to love the baby more than I love them because this one is from my stomach (her words). My answer was No! I love them all the same amount, but I love them each in their own way. They are all special to me in a way that the others aren't. Alexia was my first girl, Hunter was my first boy, Jacob is my comedian, Michael has a smile that melts your heart, Cassadie is super helpful, and Skylar is my peanut. They all have their own special little place tucked away in my heart. All of their special places are the same size, and they don't have to share that space with any of the other children. The new baby will be no different.
We explained that the new baby will get more attention, because babies have to be taken care of. They can not feed or dress themselves. They can not go potty or tell you what is wrong. Every baby gets extra attention in the beginning, and this is something that Jacob is just going to have to come to terms with. However, I will try to make it enjoyable instead of painful.
I still can not believe that I am pregnant. As of today, my HCG is 1,036. I can't believe it climbed that high in two days. I was so worried that it would not double. I was also freaked out about ectopic pregnancy, but the nurse said my numbers were so good that she doesn't think ectopic pregnancy is an issue.
All I do is hiccup and fart. The horrible ugly truth!!! I still have some random cramps and my instinct is to go and see if I have started my period. Then it dawns on me that I am pregnant. I feel better a little, but I still have some mother worries. From what I understand, most new mothers worry themselves silly for the first trimester. In 9 more weeks, my first trimester will be over. So close, but so far away! I want to enjoy my pregnancy, but I am scared to let go!
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